These Advice shared by My Parent That Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of being a father.

But the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You are not in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers face.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider inability to communicate amongst men, who still internalise negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a respite - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "bad choices" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their issues, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."